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Holiday Shopping Guide 2008

Scott Baker hammers a nail into his nose

If you’re a lazy slacker like me and still waiting to buy that perfect gift for loved ones, here’s ten suggestions. Click the titles for purchasing information.

1) Bally-Master, dir. Gary Beeber. This is the perfect holiday documentary for the family since it stars a guy, Scott Baker, who works as a professional department store Santa in NYC, kind of like a real-life A Miracle on 42nd Street, except the real miracle here is that Scott doesn’t die after pounding a foot-long nail into his nose at his other job as a Coney Island sideshow performer. Hilarious stuff. (Read the review)

2) Susan for Now, dir. Robin Franzi. Chistmas is the season of peace and joy, right? How about this year you make it the season of needling, whipping, spanking and the setting-of-boobs-on-fire … and joy? Franzi’s S&M documentary is a penetrating (pun intendend), insightful and upbeat look at why people want to have such nasty things done to their bodies. (Read the review)

3) Elevator Movie and Waiting For Nesara, both dir. Zeb Haradon. The unparalleled underground classics are now available on DVD! Can’t decide what’s the better stocking stuffer: The sweet story of a virgin pervert and Born Again ex-slut trapped in an elevator for many years together; or a documentary about a group who think Jesus is going to return in a spaceship to eliminate the IRS? Then just pick both! That stocking’s big enough! (Read the underground movie reviews: Elevator Movie¬†and Waiting for NESARA)

4) Proxima, dir. Carlos Atanes. It’s a holiday miracle when a sci-fi nerd has his ultimate wish fulfilled when he learns that aliens actually exist and want him to visit their home planet. Either that or he’s just a delusional nutjob. (Read the review)

5) Broken, dir. Jay Hollinsworth. It’s a movie! It’s a board game! When you’re done watching the depressing story about a telemarketer who moves back to his childhood home after losing his job and his girlfriend, it’ll be your turn to play a loveable sad sack in the board game included with the DVD Special Edition. Supplies are limited, though. (Read the review)

6) Brave New York / Sway, dir. Richard Sandler. The Big Apple is the gift that keeps on giving in this ultimate collection of three documentaries crammed full of weirdos, crazies, cranks and lunatics who make NYC such a colorful place to live — and document on camera. (Read the review)

7) Saila, dir. Julia Ostertag. Know somebody who’s full of just too much holiday cheer? Then flatten their spirits with this disturbing, otherworldly look at a post-apocalyptic Berlin that’s ruled by freaks, punks and the titular nymphomaniac who likes a little blood spilled during her lovemaking. (Read the review)

8) The Devil’s Muse, dir. Ramzi Abed. This instructional video is for all those aspiring actresses on your shopping list. Well, it’s instructional in the sense that this dark tale about a Hollywood wannabe obsessed with the Black Dahlia has insightful tips on how to avoid various sleazy producers and the occassional torturing, murderous psychopath. (Read the review)

9) Snuff: A Documentary About Killing on Film, dir. Paul Von Stoetzel. If the holidays feel like a real drag this year, then watch this to lift your spirits to know that life — and death — can be a whole lot worse. (Read the review)

10) Incarnation, dir. various. Another fine product from the twisted minds at Cinema Abattoir. This is the Whitman’s Sampler of underground film with a bunch of short films featuring a pyromaniac’s dream house, male/female pandrogeny, crimson bowel explosions and more! (Read the review)


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